Remember last year when I told you that I was headed in a new direction? How one of the things I wanted to focus on was writing the books I want to have written before I died?

Well. About that...

I spent the remainder of last year, from August through December, trying to focus on those non-romantic Science Fiction and Fantasy stories, the ideas I'd been hoarding for years, waiting for the right time to jump into them. During that time, I finished exactly two stories, both of them under 10,000 words in length (short stories). In that amount of time, I should've written at least one novel and gotten a good start on another one, but no. Two short stories. That's all I finished.

It was one of the most frustrating times in my life. There I was, surrounded by all these lovely ideas that I'd been aching to write, and I...couldn't write.

Finally, around the first of the year, I knew something had to give. Writers write. Period, the end. If I couldn't write, then I had no hope of sustaining my business, or myself. I had to make a serious change.

Or else.

The Genre of My Heart

Enter my backup plan, which I also mentioned in the above-referenced post: after taking a hard look at my situation and evaluating all the different paths I could take, I jumped back into writing SciFi Romance under my first pen name, Lucy Varna.

And I have to tell you that I'm having a blast.

For the first time in years, the words are flowing so quickly, I can barely get them down before more come piling in. Already this month, I've racked up the highest January word count total since 2015.

That is not a typo. It's been a decade since I've written this much in a January.

I spent years spiraling into burnout and years more trying to dig my way out. One of the key factors of both was simply writing the stories of my heart, the ones I'd let others, and myself, talk me out of writing. The ones I didn't want to write because Romance readers don't particularly find my Romances compelling or emotionally engaging, which is why I wanted to focus on non-romantic SFF in the first place.

It turns out that Romance is an integral part of the stories I want to write. Nearly every story I've been collecting for the non-romantic SFF pen name has a romantic subplot, including the ones I've discussed here. And that was one of the reasons I was stalling on writing those books: I felt like I had to smother the romance out of the stories in order to be a "proper" SFF writer.

I finally figured out that that notion is just so much horse manure.

So, I'm working on finding a way to integrate the romance back into some of those stories. That wasn't the only holdup; I had several issues to solve. One big one is the publishing path I'd like to take for the SFF that was supposed to be non-romantic, which could take years to fulfill.

In the meantime, I have to have money coming in. So. SciFi Romance it is. And trust me, I have tons of ideas for those, enough to last until I can (hopefully) get that first less-romantic (ha!) SFF series off the ground.

With the SFR, I'm taking a page out of Anne McCaffrey's books and incorporating more worldbuilding and different kinds of stories than are common among the current crop of SFRs. Even though my newer SFRs contain panty-melting smexy times, the non-romantic elements fall squarely on the Science Fiction side of the aisle, with enough real science and technology to make them plausible. There's some handwavium involved (seriously, I'm not going to go into exacting detail; this isn't Hard SciFi), but I don't rely on it as heavily many SFR authors do.

Giving Myself Permission

You may ask why I'm not writing more Urban Fantasy.

That's a perfectly valid question with a perfectly simple answer: every time I think about writing a Fantasy story, my stomach twists into knots. Double that feeling for every time an idea for this pen name pops into my head.

Apparently, writing Urban and Contemporary Fantasy was an intrinsic factor in my burning out, one I had buried so deeply, it took years to uncover. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to write any kind of Fantasy again. It's such a shame, too, as I have several fantastic ideas for Fantasy series, some of which I've already discussed. I hate to disappoint readers (boy, do I ever!), but the simple fact is that I have to focus on doing the things that keep me writing.

So as much as it pains me, I have given myself permission to disappoint readers by not writing Fantasy.

In fact, I have given myself permission to let go of every Fantasy idea, for now. If they're the right thing for me to write someday, I'll know. And believe me. You'll be the first to hear about it.

I have given myself permission to write the stories that pop into my head every morning, whether or not they fit someone else's idea of what I should be writing. Or whether they fit my idea of what I should be writing!

I have given myself permission to have fun and to focus on doing the things that I enjoy, especially those things that recharge my creativity, like reading, taking long drives, knitting, and spending time with my family.

And yes, writing Anne McCaffrey-esque Science Fiction with stronger romantic elements.

In other words, I am getting out of my own way. Consequently, these past three weeks have been the most enjoyable, and least stressful, I've had in years.

Moving Forward

I do have some preorders up, one just to motivate me to finish a story I started years ago, the sequel to my first SciFi Romance. Once it's published, I'm focusing solely on writing the stories that fill my heart. That's how I started writing fiction in the first place and it's where I want to get back to.

Don't get me wrong. I've loved every minute I've spent with Sunny, Nessa, and all the other characters written under this pen name.

But this is not where I belong. I've known it for years. I just didn't want to admit it. Maybe I should've paid more attention to all those times I stood under a nighttime sky and dreamed of living among the stars.

I do not regret any time I've spent writing under the Celia Roman name. I've learned so much, met so many wonderful readers, and I'm so proud of all the stories I wrote for you. Thank you for allowing me to share these story worlds with you, and thank you for your patience while I muddled my way back to writing prolifically once again.

Peace and happy reading!